Smile of Hate

The love of animals was ingrained into me as a child.I was always nursing a sick bird ,an injured animal or a hapless dog.I spread my balcony with fruits ,nuts and plenty of bird feed.

The birds knew me well or so I thought.They were always chirping in my balcony.Occassionally they would fly in when they were in a mood for an adventure.Watching them fly around gave me a strange sense of happiness.

It brought me closer to nature in the crowded city life  i led.With hardly any trees around,my little paradise was a jungle. I had also planted few flowers which brought about bumble bees and colourful butterflies. My mornings were caffeine induced and musical concerts straight from nature.

If I could,I would have stared all morning soaking in the tiny patch of heaven ,away from all the pollution and noise.But reality was tough.I had to work two jobs to keep my boat afloat in this expensive city.

The jobs took a toll on my health.Money was a necessity.After waiting tables all day long,I would be treated to a measly meal at the diner I worked for.Many customers always walked in with the intent of filling their tummies with a free meal.Delay of service,table not clean and more often than not ,plates had a grub of dirt were common excuses.If I tried to defend myself,the manager would swoop down there and humiliate me in front of them.Behind those sweet smiles,I knew that my pay for that day was fluttering around ,up and above my reach.

As if this were not enough,I had to also serve as a part time accountant in a tiny shop that sold wooden artefacts.Here,atleast the owner was kind enough to offer me cup of tea seldom occurrence that it was,I savoured it.I was alive by the time I came home to an overcrowded home ,but dead from inside.

Inspite of my miserable existence,the morning ritual of watching myself being awakened from within by the cries of nature was something I looked forward to everyday.

It all began one fine afternoon.I was on my feet taking orders from a family with two children who were taking insanely long to decide.My restraint was being provoked.I had bulging nerves on my forehead which were ready to explode at the delay.My feet was aching.I craved for a strong cup of coffee.My lack of interest was turning into disdain.The couple frowned at me.I faked a smile and continued to wait like my life depended on it.

Finally,on collecting their order I walked into the kitchen and hopped on to a bar stool.My exhausted feet needed some hot water and a massage.Such luxuries were only a foggy memory.My eyes drifted to a car nearby.It looked expensive.It had some sort of neon hues.Definitely custom made.I sighed at my drudgery.My life was ensconced in a space where a pedicure was a luxury while people could decide to put my million pedicures to buy a car that shone in the afternoon sun.The windows were pulled down.The seats looked plush and extremely soft.Probably a million seals decided on their life purpose.My blood boiled.Then I realized that even money came from paper and here I was scuttling two jobs for the same thing.What caught my eye was the puppy inside.He was continuously yelping.

He tried jumping out the window,but of course the owner was smart enough.The poor animal continued to whine in agony.The nature lover in me was provoked.I had to rescue that animal.

I didn’t care if I didn’t deliver my burgers,but I could not let an animal die in that metal deathbox.

I ran out of the restaurant with all my might across the street.I tried pulling the handle ,it set off a screeching alarm.The nasty people who were at the restaurant came running.The woman looked ready to pounce at me.

The people around looked at me like I polluted the car.The man continued to glare at me.

The manager arrived at the scene.He had enough reasons to fire me today.But ,I was prepared to puff up my chest and tell them that they were wrong.

“What do you think you are doing?”He barked at me.

“I was merely trying to save this dog.Do you know that they can die if left unattended like this?”I replied back meekly.

“So ,who do you think you are?Are you paid to open strangers’ cars and rescue their animals?”He snarled.

“Actually she is right,let her be.Thank you.I always tell my mother to let us take the dog along,but she never listens” said a boy gratefully.The same boy who could not decide which topping he wanted was taking my side.

He went on to ask me if I knew about dogs, and If I could teach him.

Now the manager was proud of me.His customer praised his worst waitress.I was the treasure.A while ago I was dirt,now I was his prized possession.He gave me a fake smile and assured me that it was his privilege that I worked for him.Yeah right.

At the end of the meal,I had another job.I was to take care of the dog.They offered me a meagre pay for it.But atleast it was something I could connect with.A dog would never make me feel small.A dog would never hurt my feelings.

I started walking Flynn everyday.We would go to the park.He was an aggressive animal.The tropical climate did not suit him at all.He would either be sick or exhausted at the end of this regime.Most of the food he ate was not processed.he would always be on medication or we would have to mix the drugs in his food so that he didn’t throw up or pass out.

He was mostly lethargic as the heat took a toll on his poor health.He would sit in the coolest spot of the house and pant till he was out of breath.

I wondered what the owners thought when they saw him.Was he a luxury?Were to trying to show off their wealth through him?Was he a brand to their upscale status.I was perturbed at how casually they took his health.Despite me telling them numerous times,they turned a deaf ear.

One fine evening,the lady of the household came up with an even worse idea.His collar had to be diamond studded.She fished out a leather collar full of stones.She caught the yelping animal and forced his neck through it.

I could not watch it.I turned my head away,shutting my eyes tightly.Two drops rolled down my cheek,as the poor dog writhing in pain reached my flushed ears.

The woman looked at me like she climbed the Everest.She was expecting a compliment.

I gave her a watery smile.She left after her mission.The dog was too tired to even yelp.

I heaved myself up,put a leash on the animal and prepared to walk it.The animal would not budge.

I tugged harder.He hollered with pain.But I had to get paid.I continued to gently tug .

The animal continued to yelp softly.Suddenly there was an eerie silence.

All I saw was a blood covered leash.I froze in horror.Did I just kill the animal that was feeding me.I was terrified to look.But I had to.I edged closer.The collar had spikes.It probably dug into the neck a tad too deep.

I was done for.What was I to say?How was I to replace the dog.It already looked exotic.

Tears welled up in my eyes for the jinxed animal.Horror hugged my spine that I wished that the earth would swallow me.Why did I take this job.

It was still hours before the woman returned.After sobbing enough that my body turned into a wire,the endorphins had done their job.I was to figure how to save myself out of this mess.

I looked around.There were no cameras or surveillance .I had  to bury the animal and figure out a plausible explanation for its absence.

I looked around the house.There was a tiny garden with some patches of grass.That would be the perfect spot.I dragged the animal to the garden,used a large stick to dig out the earth.

I spritzed some water on the mound to ease my digging.When I was satisfied ,I pushed the animal in.Then I spotted something.Greed.Here I was juggling two jobs,a meagre meal and a life of abject poverty while this dog was buried with a diamond collar.Greed surpassed my love.I tugged the collar,suddenly a gleam of evil took over.I was somehow glad that the animal died that I could possess this exquisite trinket.Survival of the fittest.I consoled myself.Afterall a dog does not know the worth of its collar.All it cares about is food and some exercise.Its existence was merely limited to finding the next meal.He was not aware that the necklace around his neck was worth more than his maid’s existence.

I was certain now that it was his way of paying me back.He wanted me to tug him harder,so that he could snap and give me this precious collar.

I walked up with my head up in triumph and the feeling of remorse was lost.All that mattered to me was that I was set for life.

The fear of facing the family was no longer an issue.I was jubilant.I hummed a tune while I tucked the collar beneath my dress.The prick of diamonds was amazing.

I could bruise my entire body for this.I cleaned up the mess in the hall.I sat forlorn on the lawn waiting for the woman to come home.

It was almost dark when she finally decided to show up.She saw me waiting at the doorstep.

She didn’t see my worried face or my sweat covered body.My teeth were chattering in fear.She thought I was waiting because she owed me my pay. She apologized and muttered that  she forgot that poor people depend on daily wages for their meals.She shoved a few notes into my hand,and hustled inside.

I cleared my throat.I had to tell her that the dog was gone.I was going to lie.that was the truth.

I coughed.She stopped on her tracks.She turned around gracefully.She was a lady.There had to be a poise in every action.She scowled at me impatiently.I was nervous.I gulped down a mouthful of air.All I could let out was a pang of pain.She looked me curiously .Her temper was on the balance like her heels.

I slowly told her that the dog was carried away by an eagle.Her eyes almost popped out of her head.She stared at me in disbelief. I showed her the blood stained leash. I explained to her that I tried tugging the dog back,but in no avail.

Her face turned purple.I thought she was going to strangle me.Or worse sob.

She sighed,said that the dog was a nuisance.It was merely a present and she could not give it away fearing offense to the giver.It was a relief that the eagle decided to take him away.

“After all he was miserable here.He looked a giant rat.Glad that he is no longer here.I hated him with all my might.”She scorned and turned away.

She froze,thanked me for letting her know and pushed a wad of notes.

“Tonight,treat yourself.May be a nice meal or a pedicure.Also get me sapling to plant in the mound of earth you buried him in.Would be a good way to remember him by”