Home sweet home

‌I was always a bit of A glass half empty person.Nothing ever really satisfied me and i was always looking for excuses to make a bad situation worse. The food was always to out, bland, spicy or too much in quantity for my preference. The weather was sultry or rainy.I was whimsical even when everything was perfect. I could ruin it with some tears. I don't know what caused this behaviour.As a child,I was quite satisfied in life. Abundance was a word I swore by.Even when the facilities were lesser, I found a way to smile through the tough times . As I grew up, I saw that my complacent side was actually holding me back. It was preventing me from achieving what I was meant to . I became lacasadical and was caught in the web of my lethargy. I took it upon myself to push myself harder. I tried my best to perform beyond my limits. In the process, nothing ever became good enough. I content compared myself to others . They were always prettier, smarter, dressed better and in general better in every aspect than me. This cloud built over my head and eventually led to a life of inferiority complex. Deprivation didn't hone my soul, but made me self loathing, wallowing in pity and smugness. I did try to change my behaviour, but once it is ingrained into your very being,it is an arduous task to extricate it.
I thought that eventually I would get out of it but,one incident changed my perspective towards life.It was a leisurely Sunday like any other .I would often conjure beautiful trips in my head ,mostly road was my weaknesses.The wind ruffling my hair,my eyes shining under the green canopy of vegetation .But it was a humongous task to crawl out of bed.By the time,I had made up my mind it would be too late to embark on such a trip.Maybe my mind sensed the beginning of some change.I dragged my feet to ride to Lepakshi.It was almost a three hour ride.For the first half hour,I let the zephyr soak in,the tepid sunshine seep through my skin.Little droplets of sweat began trickling down my forehead.I needed to stop for a drink of water.There were only fields on either side of the road stretching into the horizon.There was a small tea stall.I was fairly certain that they would have a bottle of water.I stopped my bike, bought a bottle of water and stood under the shade of tarpaulin.I sipped the water slowly watching my surroundings.Right opposite to the tea stall was a truck,It was probably discarded.I saw that a group of men were playing cards under that while some women were cooking on a makeshift stove.Clothes were hung out to dry on the top part and windows.In the tipper where sand grains and gravel might have hardened the floor ,lay an old man sleeping peacefully.There were two children playing catch by running around . I watched them very carefully. They seemed to have nothing but smiles on their faces.Their laughter was echoing through the vast stretches of lonely fields.This was their home.They had no floor,no roof ,no internet.The sun was scorching their existence.Yet they were joyous.I was complaining of the floors being cold.I had a roof over my head.I had a cozy bed with blankets to protect me the biting cold.Yet I did nothing to make my existence count .
That day I learnt a valuable lesson.When you start appreciating the effort behind things,life is much smoother.It is okay to have goals and aspirations,to push yourself to surpass your expectations.But honestly it is not worth waiting for the stars when you don't know what sunlight feels like.