Metro diaries

The life in the metro has always been a starry night to my wandering old school soul.

The traffic, the fast lifestyle, the fact that people have so little time for human connections baffled me.

I was wondering how I would fit into this puzzle of chaos.

I was amazed at the nonchalance to almost everything and everything around me.

Pollution clouded me.

It was my first time in a big city that I was lost.

My soul needed some searching.

To most of my doubts were around relationships.

What were they? what was falling in love? did it crop when someone thought I looked attractive in a dimly lit pub that hid my flaws?

How would I fall out of it?
I’ve met some amazing people in life that have been there and hopefully will be there till the end of time. That Hope is what keeps me going.

It gives me the definition of what’s to come tomorrow.that possibly even if I can and rather should cope alone with whatever life throws at me, it’s good to have a shoulder to cry on, a person to pat my back or reassure me that everything will be okay.

I need that torchlight, a speck of hope telling me that I’m yet to reach paradise.

When relationships fail for reasons unknown it’s a mystery.

Its an excruciating pain at that.

Kind of like a tetanus shot.Dull.

But when you accidentally provoke it, it sends a deep pain down your arm.except that the heart is not so well cushioned.

This fast-paced approach to relationships of deleting people faster than a typo has left a weird scar on my mind.
Trust no one.

 Sure but having said that is captivity better?

When you are caged, your options are limited and having not to face the world outside is a shield.

Is that an experience that’s worth having or is it like a flower carefully pressed between the pages of
your book?

You preserved it forever, the fragrance is limited to those pages and memories?

My mind is not used to moving like a clockwork.

I'm a human, not an automated code that ran every day irrespective of the circumstances.

I have to get used to it they say.

Maybe my old school soul is wandering trying to search its place in this disarray.

Hold my hand

Hold my hand till the end
The whisper of love is at it’s yore
For you and me shall I fend
Like the waters gently touching the shore
The wind has long blown past
Spell this love has cast
On my vulnerable heart and soul
The shadow of passion creeps in like a ghoul
Of beautiful days and lonely nights
The distance between us burns bright
Like a flame of a dying candle
It oscillates against the echoing brandle
The shards of my broken heart
To fix it would mean work of Bosart
My eyes search for your face
My heart is where is your place
Hold my hand till the end
For love,you and I are the blend

Memories latch on

I was tense since morning.My stomach was knotted,the air around me was suffocating me.
My eyes were fixated on the timing the SMS read.5pm.
I glanced at the watch,it was still 11. I had 6h to get things done.instead my mind floated back to what I had missed.Would things have changed?Would I be awkward?thoughts  cluttered my hazy brain.I tried pacing up and down,took deep breaths of air,gulped down numerous glasses of water.All of It catalysed my stress and I could not contain myself.
I picked up the phone and stared at it.Could I prepone it and get it over with?
Then I noticed that the sms read 5pm .There was no way I could negotiate.There was no question.Only information.No room to ask any questions.
I called up a friend to ask if she thought that it was a good idea.
She gave me some vague advice on Life and said that I was my best judge.
I sighed wondering if the call was a waste of time.Anyway ,it allowed some distraction and the meeting was off my mind.
I scooped up some rice,and stared at it.This was my lunch.I ate it half heartedly.My mind was brimming with emotion.
By 4:30,my phone beeped again.
The sms again.I was anxious.Was it canceled?
I picked it up with shaky hands,opened it with half closed eyes.
“Hi,sorry that I’m a little early.If we can meet now,it would be great.I’m waiting downstairs “
My eyes nearly leapt out of my head.
He was here.He was early.He was downstairs.
How did I look?Did I look equipped enough to handle the situation?
I walked down with poise,although my angst was inundating my walk.
I stumbled along and our eyes met.
Two long years.Both of us smiled awkwardly at each other.
I wanted to ask a million things.
How are you?Were you waiting since long?
We asked each other nothing.Walked towards a cafe.It was a taxing walk.The silence was like a cloud.
On settling down,we again smiled.This time it was acquaintance.
With two large cups of coffee separating our gazes from each other,the plastic smile continued.
You still love filter coffee don’t you that even in a cafe you scout for it?
His joke was trying to break the ice.But his eyes were full of regret.
He wiped the beads of perspiration on his forehead.
He looked at me as I struggled to open the packet of sugar.I was conscious of his eyes.I jerked It sideways and there was a sugar shower on the table.
He looked at me perplexed,and then burst into peals of laughter.
It wasn’t awkward anymore.
You haven’t changed at all.
Why did we not make it work.
I continued to stare at my coffee.It had been two hours.The seasons outside changed probably.
Tears welled up in my eyes.I pretended to fiddle with my phone while two drops fell into my cup.
This was something I hadn’t signed up for.
Emotions were getting the better of me.I roughly wiped my eyes.i gave him a watery smile.He looked concerned.I knew that you cannot take care of yourself,be strong,his face reads while his eyes slowly gave in.
I automatically reached to pay.
No,when I’m here,I take care if you.
We left the cafe to walk around.
We had no purpose,nothing to talk.We knew everything about each other.We Walked till our feet gave up.It was probably past midnight.I didn’t want the moment to end.Neither did he.It had been hours since I looked at the time.the air felt cold and hostile.
The warmth of my heart kept me alive.
I was at a loss of words.Whether it was the beauty of that minute or the choking of emotions,I couldn’t tell.
He finally looked at the time.The last train of the day was due to leave in a while.
He looked at me beseeching u.i knew that he didn’t want to leave,but he had to.
Without a word,we walked towards the metro.Not a word while he purchased the ticket.
Not a word while we waited.
The train whizzed it,he hugged me.
Transient it was.People hustled past   Us.Time froze.
Come with me,his eyes beckoned.
My heart broke into a million pieces.
He alighted the metro.
The doors between us.Our palms were stuck to each other’s behind the glass.
The metro moved slowly.
I had to let go.
Why was it so hard?
Why did it have to end?The pain slowly radiated back to my heart.
The feeling was warmth,ensconced in pain.
What was it?i wanted to embrace it with my might and never let go.