Food critic

I opened a new cafe in 12th avenue. It was my dream. The whole place reeked of incense sticks and potpourri.

Balloons and streamers adorned the doorways. It was well lit. It looked enticing. 

Brand new furniture, spotless floor and gleaming chandeliers.

The aroma of freshly baked bread wafted through the kitchen.

People had already lined up outside to get a share of the goodies. The store marketing team had done a good job announcing the inauguration through colourful hoardings.

Customers had also been promised a hefty discount on their first purchase.

I  wanted customers to return for the taste. I  was fervently praying that once the promotion reached the end of its life, it didn't claim customers with it.

I also knew the importance of good publicity. Most people already frequented restaurants that they were familiar with. Since it was also about appealing to the niche area of taste, the chef had to have an edge over the other eateries that prompted customers to halt here.

It also meant that they had to outweigh price with taste and stopped by even if the prices were exorbitant.

More often than not, judgement is made in case of doubt through online reviews

.

 Public figures, celebrities, influencers or even a common man who posts experiences online or in a reading medium provokes the shy one to take a bite.

Most people get influenced by positive reviews, food photos that look delectable or the quaint ambience.

Few people care about the food if the other criterion is satisfied.

It takes humungous effort to drag an accustomed to a different restaurant customer without the discount or positive reviews.

I engaged Manohar to write his review. 

I had ordered my chefs to prepare their best dishes. 

A slice of red velvet cake smeared with cheesecake frosting, a dark chocolate muffin filled with the warm gooey blueberry jam and a tall glass of piping hot chocolate with chocolate sprinkles and a twirly straw stood to wait. 

The chair had a comfortable leather cushion, the table was arranged to face the window. Soft piano music filled the room. 

The lights were dimmed. 

The air smelt strongly of freshly baked cakes. The ambience was perfect.

All Manohar had to do was to describe the experience in exaggerated words. 

Praise the food to the sky and compliment the hospitality.

He also the job of subtly mentioning that this place was expensive, but taste surpassed the hole it drilled into your pockets.

Manohar was a ruthless critic. 

His reviews often resulted in restaurants being shut down overnight. 

He brought the food to life through his pen. 

He knew the exact words to describe the taste. Many a reader could feel the taste reaching them. It often left them dissatisfied or craving.

His words could result in the restaurant gaining stardom overnight or shut down to shambles. To get him to say a positive word was a herculean task. 

Even for a cup of tea, Manohar shredded it to basic elements such as temperature, sweetness, quantity, value for money, the cup it came in and the taste. He described exactly how he felt on drinking it, what it lacked and where it could have done more than being a nonchalant cup of tea.

Manohar arrived at the cafe. He pushed the cold handle and exhaled sharply. 

This is what he was used to doing. Arrive at restaurants, sample a few dishes, take copious notes and publish it in a forum.

The few minutes he spent in the restaurant decided its lifeline. 

It was almost impossible to get his approval once he wrote scathing remarks. 

Manohar knew no second chances. Once a restaurant was deemed unfit, it had to disappear from the locality.

He took a quick look around at the ambience. 

The cafe was sparsely crowded. There was only an old couple who shared a latte between them.

The wall was adorned with posters of yesteryear movie stars. A few quirky quotes caught his 

attention. 

The day's specials were announced to him on a whiteboard in scrambled writing.

Tiny lights hung from the ceiling. He inched closer to his designated table. The store minions hovered around him.

He patted the chair and settled into it. The assortment of food items on his table stared at him invitingly.

He picked up a fork and stared at it for two seconds. 

It gleamed in the warm yellow light. He cut off a sliver of the red velvet cake. 

He poked at it with his fork. He sniffed it, stared at it for a while and took a dubious bite. He paused and wrote extensive notes on his notepad. He then attacked the chocolate muffin. He touched it, felt its texture and ripped it open to let the blueberry jam flow into the plate.

He stopped and took notes again. His expression was grim. He pursed his lips together as if he wanted to say something. The minions bent forward to hear his query. He dismissed them with the 

wave of his hand. He then took a sip of the cocoa. 

His opinion was already formed. He wrote detailed notes and stood up to leave.

I was burning with anticipation. 

Manohar had not uttered a word. 

He took one final look at the cafe and proceeded towards the exit.

I  stopped him.

"So?"I asked. I wanted to hear his experiences first hand.

"Well, clearly you have not done your homework" Manohar snapped.

"What seems to be the issue, Sir"

"I have detailed notes of every single thing that could have made my experience much better here"

"Well, I'm nothing if not open to feedback. Please enlighten me"I  was livid.

Manohar gave a defeated sigh.

"Well, you chose to hear about it rather than reading. Let me explain."He sunk into the cozy leather cushion and started

"Who is this cafe for? Is it for people who have a lot of money and time? 

Or is it for people who have to save up even for a cup of coffee here that they think it is daylight robbery? Is it a networking hub or a forum of sorts for movie buffs, bibliophiles or art lovers to catch up?"

"I do not really.."I began.

"I'm not done yet."He snapped

"Definitely you have marketed this place through the city with colourful hoardings. Your staff has paraded around with infographic flyers, but you don't know who should be picking up the flyer. 

Now coming to the ambience, this place is well lit with fancy lighting what is the ambience you are aiming for? Is it for a quiet evening, a romantic one or a hangout place? Can I work in peace? 

Can I host an interview or catch up with a friend? 

With your extensive menu, what kind of food are you targeting? Do you serve the main course, starters, dessert or drinks or all? Should people host their luncheons here? Should people stop here for a snack or eat a full course meal?"

"We have everything on the menu.."

"Well, I cannot judge the quality of the main course based on the dessert you served me. What picture is it trying to portray? Should people order just dessert? Or is the main course a sham?

Your walls are filled with posters. I'm no movie buff. These posters mean nothing to me. Am I your audience? Should I still come here? The quirky posts are just rip-offs from the internet. I mean you can do a decent job there at least? The menu on the board is illegible. Should I squint my eyes each time I'm here trying to decipher what it means. If I ignore all this the food was nothing unique. It was the same as everywhere else.No unique presentation or taste. The red velvet was still warm that the fork went right through it. Maybe wait for it to cool down. You cocoa was a standard powder blended with milk. The blueberry chocolate muffin was no prize either. The jam I presume is from a local store? And..."

I had heard enough.I was furious.

"What do you know about running a restaurant Mr Manohar? My staff has kept this place pristine for you. They were waiting like slaves till you finished eating so that they could cater to your every whim.

My marketers have worked arduously day in and day out to ensure that the news of our cafe reaches the radius of a wider audience. In this location, do you know how much rent I have to pay?

Do you know how much I have to pay the chef? For your information, the main course chef is different from the baker. Have you done any course in culinary sciences? What do you know about presentation and innovation? Red velvet has to taste the same as everywhere. If I add in something new, will that still be called red velvet? Won't you then say that is should use the correct recipe and stick to my basics? Can you bake something that you have described?"

"See, you are taking this personally. I was invited by you to write a review. This is my view of the experience. If people take offence or form a decision based on my words, that is in return what you are expecting too, is it not? I can never run a cafe or bake a cake. I have no experience in culinary sciences. I don't have extensive knowledge on how to market or promote my product. All I know is my pen."

He stood up to leave.

I stood in wonderment. Was I not the one who chased this food critic to his office and waited at his door for a whole day?

Who was this guy? He who just knew superfluous words was judging the profession of my chef who toiled his way in hotel management course.His taste who could never be satiated gashed out an innocuous soul who spent hours sweating in the kitchen. Still, there were flaws, his presentation, innovation and everything outside of his job description was under the radar.

What are we looking at? Why does someone with good language, strong words get to repress the simple hard worker?

How was it fair that his judgement played a key role in my revenue generation?

These questions, I could never answer.